Week 16: Blue 12 - Red 8

[Old Bucks Admin]

Physicists have an expression for theories that are so incomprehensibly muddled that they’re “not even wrong”. That could also describe Red’s strategy for defeating Blue in Week 16: it wasn’t even wrong. Give Kenny his due, however. He did manage to put the Thomas and Hamill brothers on separate teams, something he boasted about before the game as if it proved once and for all how creative he was when it came to picking teams. But this masterstroke of ingenuity could not redeem Red’s lackluster performance on the ice. They just weren’t feeling it. True Jim Heffern worked the give and go to perfection (translate “give me the puck and go away while I shoot it”) but apart from his five goals Red showed less tactical cohesion than young girls just learning to play soccer. One problem was their defense, or lack of it. Just because it was Hughie’s birthday doesn’t excuse the birthday cake-induced slumber he seemed to be playing in. And Eddie could hardly keep his eyes off the television in the snack bar, so intent was he on following the Giants game. As a result Red’s defensive breakdowns were so catastrophic that most of Blue’s goals were scored on an empty net (no offense to Vinnie who was more victim than culprit). The Red offense fared no better. They had to slice and dice their way into the Blue zone with what was essentially plastic cutlery. Even moves like putting Kenny on right wing had a spork-like futility to them. Steve Thomas, moreover, was beside himself complaining of rough usage at the hands of the Blue defensemen but you might as well scold the Devil for his tail as take exception to that. Significantly Blue had scoring contributions that ranged over several players: Joe Puegot had two (even without his trademark jersey embroidered with car ads), Greg Wright busted a cap from the high slot and found the back of the net, Rich Cerbone got things started with a lightning backhand from ten feet out, and Dan Dougherty, goalie skates notwithstanding, muscled his way into Vinnie’s crease and bagged one.

Grudgingly, we allow the game was still fun. And those who did not repair to locker room 4 after it missed a party that was livelier than a Hottentott hootenanny. Everyone toasted Hughie’s birthday with some cheap rotgut called Blarney Stone Dew and not a few blokes waxed poetic over what a fine chap Hughie is. But Hughie said it best when he said, “Nothing clears the palate of the bitter taste of defeat better than cheap Irish whiskey.”

I’ll drink to that.