Week 18: Red 13 - Blue 5

[Old Bucks Admin]

Posterity will have to do without a written account of Week 17 as we did not make the game and no one who did volunteered to provide one. But in the interests of continuity we shall write a column anyway, substituting another subject for the game. For during Week 17 we visited Angie’s house and perused the Old Bucks archives for the first time, something we had always longed to do but had never found the time. Perhaps it was the news that Angie had recently built a fireproof annex to house the archives (along with his record collection and a piece of the Hindenburg) that elevated our curiosity to irresistible levels. Whatever the case, what we found was impressive. Five gilt albums—one for each decade of the club’s existence—contained so much history and memorabilia that three hours hardly sufficed to scratch their surface. We saw the club’s original charter—handwritten on the back of a “Goldwater for President” campaign poster; we saw the minutes of the meeting where it was decided to go with the red and blue pinnies (the vote was unanimous); and in the 1970s album, much to our amusement, we came upon a barely legible receipt for two cases of Schlitz purchased from one of Princeton’s most legendary dives, Andy’s Tavern. We even saw a framed Polaroid of the now-mythical pond where Old Bucks got its start, confirming the claim that it stayed frozen nine months out of the year as the skaters were all in their shirtsleeves and the pond’s banks were teeming with flowers. But what piqued our interest the most was a sheet of faded yellow foolscap upon which was written the “Top Ten Kevin Saunders Facts”. The origin of the document is obscure; Angie thinks somebody hung it on the locker room wall back in the late 90’s and from there it found its way into the archives. We reprint it here as a way of paying tribute to our Old Bucks “agitator par excellence”.



Kevin Saunders invented the tabtop to make it easier to open up cans of whoopass.


When Kevin Saunders visits Pamplona the bulls run from him.


Handicapped parking spaces actually belong to Kevin Saunders. The signs are meant to warn you that if you park there you will become handicapped.


Kevin Saunders can recharge a cell phone by rubbing it against his skull.


Boiling water boils faster when watched by Kevin Saunders.


Kevin Saunders once sued Burger King for not putting razor wire on his Whopper Jr. claiming they refused to do it “his way”.


Kevin Saunders doesn’t get frostbite. He bites frost.


Scientists mapping the Kevin Saunders genome found so many mutations they declared it an entirely new species: Tyrannasaunders Kevin.


Switzerland isn’t a neutral country. It’s just waiting to see which side Kevin Saunders is on.


Kevin Saunders doesn’t wear a watch because HE says what time it is.








The less written about Week 18 the better. It was one of those classic Kenny-inspired routs, his way of exorcising some deep inner frustration by watching Blue brought to their knees in the most humiliating way possible. Suffice it to say that Red had so much talent that Hughie stayed on the bench the entire game just to call offsides. Afterward Kenny made excuses but they deserve less notice than the game itself. Thank goodness the Giants won.