Post by Old Bucks Admin on Feb 4, 2012 12:27:54 GMT -5
The Red Report – An Unbiased Review of Week 17
-Mike Robbins
Week 17 happened to fall on All-Star Sunday, with the Old Bucks game sharing the national audience with both the NHL All-Star game and the Pro Bowl. Truly an athletic triumvirate of horrifically slow play and “catch as catch can” approach to team defense. (We’re still waiting for the Nielsen Ratings to come in; Old Bucks may have captured a bigger share than the Pro Bowl). The rosters required a bit of a tweak due to the late start time and subsequent light turnout; Jonathan Millen was banished to Blue, the Bassert boys were split as Dave was promoted to Red, and Kenny G took his place in the Red net with Jamie shouldering the burden of backstopping the not-so-Big Blue. Kevin Saunders didn’t make it out for Week 17, likely working in his basement chemistry lab on his latest attempt at “Spanish Flea”. Oh yes, that is a quote.
After complaining about the bus travel and bad food that accompanies a minor league operation, Millen got Blue on the board first with a lucky snapshot from the doorstep. From our perspective, Millen was offsides, interfering with Kenny, and closing his hand on the puck. Dave Bassert, proving that significant energy is released during Bassert Fission, tied the game for Red with a dazzling display of skating, easily carving his way through Blue before slicing the puck five-hole on Jamie. Blue was fortunate enough to bounce a couple pucks into the net with goals from Andrew Bassert and two from Jim Heffern. The second Heffern goal came from a three–on-two that saw more Blue passing than one typically sees in half a season. Jim was visibly pleased with himself as he stared down the Red bench on his way off. No one on Red noticed.
With Blue up 5-3, Red responded with the dynamic new line of Johnson-Robbins-Fairman. Robbins carried into the Blue zone before slipping a dandy of an outside-inside pass which Larry buried with a lethal wrist shot from the slot. Following a nifty Alan Blankstein tally for Red, Huck fired a remarkably well engineered pass 10 feet behind a breaking Robbins. Huck had precisely calculated this pass to go scorching past Robbins and his defender, ricochet off the boards and back to Mike when he was past his D-man and moving with a full head of steam. After deploying some breakaway moves on loan from Craig Allen, Mike converted for another Red goal. John Lupisella, who has been rounding into a Cam Neely-esque power forward of late (with absolutely no hyperbole) added to the Red surge with a meaty wrist shot that bullied its way through Jamie.
With Red leading 6-5, and I hope you are all sitting down, Jim Heffern called for a breakaway pass. Alex Cerbone relented and sent up a pass that would spring Jim in alone. At this point in the game, Kenny G had already given up two goals to Heffern, but Kenny G doesn’t get angry……Kenny G throws vintage two-pad stacks in your face. Jim was denied as Kenny added to a performance that featured countless spectacular saves by the man in the birdcage. The play went back to the other end where Huck coolly finished off a 3 on 2 for Red, moving the score to 7-5. After spending this much time with Larry and Mike, Huck was already chatting on the bench about “how pissah it would be if we could bring home annutha Supah Bowl”.
John Lupisella, Tim White (with a beauty of a game), Huck, and Mike built up the Red lead with each Red goal more inspiring in its artistry and acumen than the last. Andrew Bassert, Heffern, and Rich Cerbone knocked in a couple more fluky goals for Blue, but at this point, Kenny G was bored of making unbelievable save after save and had started playing while leaning on his upside-down goal stick and sipping a dry martini.
After Steve Sousa took a shot from the Blue point that supposedly went in off the post (I’ll have to see a review), and with the score sitting at 12-9 for Red, Alex Cerbone made one last rush for Blue with the last few precious seconds ticking away. Cerbone carried behind the Red net before dishing out to a cruising (does he have any other speed?) Paul Egan. Egan began fanning his stick in a manner that can only be accomplished by spastically swatting at a puck while simultaneously relying on one’s own stick to remain upright. One such desperate swat, by the greatest of chance, made contact with the puck and sent a trickler past Kenny thus bringing the final score to 12-10. Paul, never a student of the “act like you’ve been there before” credo, did not disappoint in his goal celebration.
The locker rooms were strangely quiet after the game, partly due to the late hour and partly due to the absence of the Spanish Flea alchemist. The Old Bucks Drinking Society cancelled its weekly meet-up at TJ’s as many of its members could already hear an early work morning calling. Many, but not all of its members…….Rich Devlin was spotted wandering the parking lot with a six pack under his arm and a desperate look in his eyes, trying to persuade anyone to crack a Michelob Ultra with him, regardless of jersey color.
The next O.B.D.S. chapter meeting will be in two weeks (with Old Bucks being preempted by the Super Bowl next week). All are welcome to attend. Even Blue.
BLUE FALLS IN NAIL-BITER TO RED
By Paul Egan
With no football games to distract but a late start to counter, week 17 had a modest turnout all things considered, especially in context to their not being a game slated for the following week. Some absences were notable (Freiling), others welcome (Saunders). In a faux sincere attempt to balance the speed wobble of scoring imbalance that’s dominated the season to date, Ken Blankstein attempted to reshuffle the line ups in much the same way the Costa Concordia’s Captain Francesco Schettino earnestly attempted to snuggle up real close to shore so his buddies on land could get a better look. Ken’s intent was the dark of night; the result a rocky outcropping. But to start at the very beginning:
With a nod to the Blanksteinian shuffle, Blue got on the board first with a zinger by a dashing Jonathan Millen, resplendent in a Prussian Blue smock that truly complemented his eyes. Featuring a large “M” on his chest, one could assume it stood for Millen, but upon reflection, it’s really for “Me” or “Mine” as a reference to the puck and his singular possessiveness. A beautiful goal by a very attractive man. Continuing on the “mix-em-up” theme, Dave Bassert, the Romulus to brother Andrew’s Remus, broke ranks and wore red... and netted the first red biscuit on a lucky wobbler hop-scotching betwixt Jamie’s pads. 1-1.
Larry Johnson scores for Red, but that will be rewarded by a full-on mugging by Paul Egan later in the game. Blue goes on a glorious tear with Jim “praying mantis” Heffern potting two in as many attempts; unassisted - - nothing new to report here. Andrew Bassert “pants” his taller, clumsier brother with a gorgeous goal that was both inspiring and humiliating, depending on what side you were on. Red counters with a plodding goal by John Lupisella - - God bless him, he tries his very best… and the whirling dervish that is Mike Robbins fancy foots one past an otherwise stellar Jamie. Not to be outdone, Blue bounces back with a textbook 3 on 2 with Jim Heffern tic-tac-toeing to Alex Cerbone, over to Joe Puegot and back to Jim for the hat trick. 5 – 3. The throng of Blue faithful erupt in the stands.
Red then goes on a lucky three goal bender beginning at the hands of a miscue by the otherwise bankable Mark Herr. In a rare lapse, Mr. Herr missed on one of his textbook, fleet-footed breakaway rushes, threading a confused Kenny’s five-hole but only to be rewarded by that goalie pregnant dog mistress that is the post. Mike “I took figure skating in High School” Robbins scores for Red; ditto Alan “Dad – I get to drive the home” Blankstein follows suit. 6-5 Red.
And the then unfair, speed wobbling imbalance (and some would say injustice) reemerges. The speedy, deft handed Alex Cerbone feathers a gorgeous pass to the “always prepared at the red line” Jim Heffern who gets stone-walled on a lucky pad stack by Kenny G. Not to be outdone, Huck Fairman, who clearly watches the Jim Heffern game tapes, was standing readied at the red line, and takes the puck down to put red up 7-5. Hey Huck, the Cigar store called, they need you back, standing outside the front door.
John Lupisella (Larry), Huck Fairman (Curly) and Tim White (Moe) get their second goals of the game as Red dominates. Mike Robbins probably gets a hat trick during this span; who cares. On a move that makes the “defensive” Craig Allen look like an Easter Island totem (‘cept the chiseled bits are replaced soft, lumpy bits) Andrew Bassert scores yet again for Blue. In a nod to geriatric perseverance, Rich Cerbone bangs in a timeless beauty that belies his advanced and well spent time on the planet. Regrettably, Blue’s rock solid discipline, speedy mid-ice transitional game and aggressive back-checking goes out the window when its tactical and demonstrative leader Mark Herr decides to leave the game early. Apparently beauty sleep trumps camaraderie.
With Red leading 11-7, Steve Souza blisters a rocketed slap shot from the point and dings it off the post and scores, also tearing the net. Then Jim Heffern splits the two grazing defenders and dekes out Kenny G. to erode the margin to 11-9. But Red immediately strikes back with Tim White outmaneuvering the Blue defense (imagine that)and beating Jamie for his how dare he hat trick and 12-9 score. Paul Egan scores one of his textbook one-timers at the buzzer on a seeing eye-dog pass by Alex Cerbone through a phalanx of red defenders. A day late and a dollar shy, however.
Final score: 12 – 10 C’mon back, Mr. Freiling, and bring that Blue tunic with you. Ask Dr. Millen - - it’s a much better bench atmosphere.