Post by Old Bucks Admin on Apr 8, 2013 19:37:08 GMT -5
The 2013 Old Bucks Awards Ceremony got off to a clunky start when it became obvious that the Pennington Fire Station, in an effort to reduce the structural damage and petty theft associated with last year’s party, double booked the evening and opted in favor of hosting a far younger and much more civil high school hockey event. Nick Gaudioso, who had been assured of the facility’s availability, made the executive decision to host the festivities at his home and distributed hand-written directions to his nearby Hopewell abode much to the dismay of the fans and media alike that had set up camp in hopes to capture a moment with the nation’s favorite Sunday night athletes.
One by one, Old Bucks strolled up the red carpet, posed for pictures, signed autographs and answered the cliché “who are you wearing” question. Doug Rendell busted up the entire media mass by answering “well, mostly Bauer, but my elbow pads are by Cooper”. Once inside Nick’s place, with tootsies warmed by radiantly heated Carrara marble tiles, the boys mingled about and enthralled wives and girlfriends with rehashed stories from the previous season. Marty Urban’s better half was absolutely flabbergasted to learn that her mild mannered husband (who she refers to as “Pooky Bear”) has the ability to transmogrify into a raging maniac at the sight of sloppy backchecking and/or lackadaisical defensive play. While she could not hide her surprise, she did mention under her breath that “well, this does explain the voodoo doll that oddly resembles Ken Blankstein”.
Bill MacDowell and a svelte Angie Carnevale represented the retired “old guard” and delighted in once again experiencing the palpable Old Bucks spirit in the room. Bill assured all that he would again try to host a mid-summer bon-fire while Angie made last minute preparations to his notes as he once again prepared to take the stage as the evenings MC. With a flicker of the lights and a hush falling upon the crowd, Ange made his way to the front of the room and began the official proceedings:
Mike “The Czech” Award - For outrageously extended shift length – Last year’s recipient, Mike Robbins, was noticeably absent from this year’s batch of nominees thanks to a drastic reduction in shift length during the 12-13 season. He claims that last year’s “honors” made him into a more humble, team-first player but we certainly cannot overlook the influence of Father Time, Uncle Beer, and Grandpa Pizza. With all in attendance waiting with bated breath, the award went to Huck Fairman, who could not attend the party as he was still in the midst of his last shift of the game two weeks prior. Huck requested that in lieu of offering any congratulations, we should all be ashamed of ourselves for what we are doing to the planet.
Limp Stick Award - For the most injury prone member – Eddie O took this one in a landslide after suffering a tragic lower body injury midway through the season and missing extended time. Kenny the Goalie and Skupe were spotted slamming down shots in the corner of the room and muttering about how they got jobbed on this one.
Hole in the Stick Award - For the player who can’t finish the damn play – Somewhere Kevin Saunders was beaming with pride as his cool-under-pressure, Mr. Automatic understudy Paul Egan took home the glory for this one. Legend has it that while a young Sidney Crosby was honing his skills by shooting pucks into an old front-loading dryer in nearby Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia, Egan would train himself by downing a case of Alexander Keith’s, eating two bags of Humpty Dumpty Ketchup Chips, and firing pucks into Morris Lake. A few even went in (rimshot!).
The Jim Heffern Hanger Award – Honoring the player who refuses to cross his own blueline – Jim conducted the now-yearly ritual of accepting his eponymous award after a long season of standing around center ice. Tired of being called a one-dimensional player, Jim sought to diversify his approach to the game this season by first hanging around the red line in gray sweat pants, then black sweat pants, then he hung with a camera on his stick, and then pajamas…..
The Incredible Hulk Award – Recognition of a season of fisticuffs – Old Bucks saw a noticeable uptick in high-spirited donnybrooks this past year, and while we all have our particular favorites, George Schott found himself in the midst of most of them. For this reason, Big George is the inaugural recipient of the The Incredible Hulk Award, received in absentia by Jonathan Millen. George was unable to attend due to a prior engagement of bench pressing Volkswagens, flossing with steel cable, and driving in pylons with his bare hands.
The Old Buck Award – The lifetime achievement award of Old Bucks – Jonathan Millen collected the well-deserved Old Buck Award in recognition of his hard work, good sportsmanship, timely goal scoring, and getting Jason to play for Red. Ever the selfless teammate, Jonathan used his time at the podium to stump for good buddy George Schott’s business endeavors by announcing that “I never could have achieved this level in my athletic performance without George’s custom-made Action Toe Socks”. With the awards show once again securely in the history books, the evening coasted to a nostalgic close as all of the past and present Old Buck Awardees received the coveted Old Bucks sweater and posed for pictures with friends and family. We will have to wait until the end of next season to find out if we have been banned from yet another venue. I’m guessing that when Nick recognizes that he is missing a 20’’ radial arm saw and his bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, the answer will be a resounding yes.
One by one, Old Bucks strolled up the red carpet, posed for pictures, signed autographs and answered the cliché “who are you wearing” question. Doug Rendell busted up the entire media mass by answering “well, mostly Bauer, but my elbow pads are by Cooper”. Once inside Nick’s place, with tootsies warmed by radiantly heated Carrara marble tiles, the boys mingled about and enthralled wives and girlfriends with rehashed stories from the previous season. Marty Urban’s better half was absolutely flabbergasted to learn that her mild mannered husband (who she refers to as “Pooky Bear”) has the ability to transmogrify into a raging maniac at the sight of sloppy backchecking and/or lackadaisical defensive play. While she could not hide her surprise, she did mention under her breath that “well, this does explain the voodoo doll that oddly resembles Ken Blankstein”.
Bill MacDowell and a svelte Angie Carnevale represented the retired “old guard” and delighted in once again experiencing the palpable Old Bucks spirit in the room. Bill assured all that he would again try to host a mid-summer bon-fire while Angie made last minute preparations to his notes as he once again prepared to take the stage as the evenings MC. With a flicker of the lights and a hush falling upon the crowd, Ange made his way to the front of the room and began the official proceedings:
Mike “The Czech” Award - For outrageously extended shift length – Last year’s recipient, Mike Robbins, was noticeably absent from this year’s batch of nominees thanks to a drastic reduction in shift length during the 12-13 season. He claims that last year’s “honors” made him into a more humble, team-first player but we certainly cannot overlook the influence of Father Time, Uncle Beer, and Grandpa Pizza. With all in attendance waiting with bated breath, the award went to Huck Fairman, who could not attend the party as he was still in the midst of his last shift of the game two weeks prior. Huck requested that in lieu of offering any congratulations, we should all be ashamed of ourselves for what we are doing to the planet.
Limp Stick Award - For the most injury prone member – Eddie O took this one in a landslide after suffering a tragic lower body injury midway through the season and missing extended time. Kenny the Goalie and Skupe were spotted slamming down shots in the corner of the room and muttering about how they got jobbed on this one.
Hole in the Stick Award - For the player who can’t finish the damn play – Somewhere Kevin Saunders was beaming with pride as his cool-under-pressure, Mr. Automatic understudy Paul Egan took home the glory for this one. Legend has it that while a young Sidney Crosby was honing his skills by shooting pucks into an old front-loading dryer in nearby Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia, Egan would train himself by downing a case of Alexander Keith’s, eating two bags of Humpty Dumpty Ketchup Chips, and firing pucks into Morris Lake. A few even went in (rimshot!).
The Jim Heffern Hanger Award – Honoring the player who refuses to cross his own blueline – Jim conducted the now-yearly ritual of accepting his eponymous award after a long season of standing around center ice. Tired of being called a one-dimensional player, Jim sought to diversify his approach to the game this season by first hanging around the red line in gray sweat pants, then black sweat pants, then he hung with a camera on his stick, and then pajamas…..
The Incredible Hulk Award – Recognition of a season of fisticuffs – Old Bucks saw a noticeable uptick in high-spirited donnybrooks this past year, and while we all have our particular favorites, George Schott found himself in the midst of most of them. For this reason, Big George is the inaugural recipient of the The Incredible Hulk Award, received in absentia by Jonathan Millen. George was unable to attend due to a prior engagement of bench pressing Volkswagens, flossing with steel cable, and driving in pylons with his bare hands.
The Old Buck Award – The lifetime achievement award of Old Bucks – Jonathan Millen collected the well-deserved Old Buck Award in recognition of his hard work, good sportsmanship, timely goal scoring, and getting Jason to play for Red. Ever the selfless teammate, Jonathan used his time at the podium to stump for good buddy George Schott’s business endeavors by announcing that “I never could have achieved this level in my athletic performance without George’s custom-made Action Toe Socks”. With the awards show once again securely in the history books, the evening coasted to a nostalgic close as all of the past and present Old Buck Awardees received the coveted Old Bucks sweater and posed for pictures with friends and family. We will have to wait until the end of next season to find out if we have been banned from yet another venue. I’m guessing that when Nick recognizes that he is missing a 20’’ radial arm saw and his bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, the answer will be a resounding yes.